Over the last year, both of our teens have asked us to use different pronouns for them.
Our oldest, born a female, has asked us to use he/they, and our youngest, born a male,
has asked us to use she/they.
So many questions have been going around in our heads throughout all of this:
Why the sudden need to change (neither had ever expressed a desire to change
or demonstrated overt characteristics of the opposite sex before).
What are the chances of having both of our children be trans?
Is this something that their generation is more comfortable expressing and being
fluid with?
Is this a phase?
But listen to me. Listen to these questions.
What I have realized is, that my questions do not matter.
The love and acceptance I have for my children is what matters. Their happiness and mental health matters. A label does not matter. There is no handbook for parents to help navigate being an LGBTQIA+ ally for their child, just like there is no handbook for raising a child in general. I cannot, and should not, compare how my children are expressing their gender identity to the way other children have. What I am grateful for is that I have created a safe space for them to talk about gender, sex, and gender identity and a space in which they are free to express themselves however they want.
They are both receiving counseling as we explore what this means to them because
completely transitioning is more than just a change in pronouns. So, we are ensuring they are ready for that when the time comes. But in the meantime, if it is being trans by pronoun and gender identity for now and not physical gender, that’s ok.
I will walk by their side and be there for them.
I will learn as I go.
I will apologize when I use the wrong pronoun or name and move on.
I will love them.
