With three kids ages 5 and under, including a young infant, I’m deep in “milestone-tracking” territory. Checkups seem to be checklists more than anything else, as my kids continue to develop into humans who might have some hope of surviving without my frequent assistance.
Certainly, these accomplishments—walking, talking, self-feeding—are hugely significant for my offspring. But as for me, I’m looking farther down the road with my own checklist.
Here are the milestones that this mom is waiting for:
1) The only butt I have to wipe every day is my own.
2) When doing the above, I close the bathroom door!
3) On weekend mornings, I wake up to a mechanical alarm clock, rather than a human alarm clock demanding to know what’s for breakfast.
4) I finish a meal without cleaning up a spill.
5) I finish a meal at a pace that doesn’t break some sort of speed record.
6) I switch from a video to audio-only baby monitor…and later to no monitor at all!
7) I watch a trashy movie or read an actual book on a flight because the small human next to me is too engrossed in the iPad to even acknowledge my presence.
8) I stop viewing every object smaller than a fist as a potential choking hazard.
9) I no longer discover that sections of my hair are inexplicably sticky.
10) I sport a handbag that isn’t the size of carry-on luggage.
11) The words “sandbox” and “glitter” no longer send chills down my spine.
12) I don’t have to keep trying to figure out how to teach “blowing your nose” (Why is that one so hard?Blow OUT, don’t suck in!).
13) My back is no longer suffering spasms from car seat wrangling.
14) I serve vegetables for dinner that aren’t disguised as non-vegetables.
15) I put on a nice outfit without thinking, “Well, this is pointless.”
Until then, you’ll find me a little sticky, sleep-deprived and crazed. But also pretty darn happy. May we all find joy in the journey.
