If you’ve ever found yourself yelling over spilled snacks or feeling your chest tighten when your child ignores you for the fifth time, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re in good company. Talk to any group of moms in San Francisco, at school drop-off, at the park, or even on a quick coffee run, and chances are, someone will whisper, often with a mix of shame and relief: “Sometimes I just lose it.”
We call it “mom rage.” It is that explosive, out-of-nowhere reaction that can leave you feeling guilty or ashamed. But here’s the truth: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means your nervous system is maxed out.
Why Rage Sneaks Up on Moms
Parenting today is different from the way most of us were raised. We don’t have the village our parents and grandparents leaned on. Instead, many of us are doing it all: working, managing households, staying on top of school logistics, and trying to squeeze in time for friendships, exercise, or maybe just sleep. Add the constant stimulation of modern life with texts pinging, emails piling up, kids yelling in the background, and the stress never really turns off.
So when your child refuses to brush their teeth or your toddler melts down in Target, your nervous system doesn’t read it as small. It reads it as unsafe. That is when the yelling, snapping, or urge to slam a door shows up.
What Nobody Tells You About Calming Down
Here’s the tricky part. Most advice you’ll hear is about staying calm. But calm isn’t something you can force when your nervous system is dysregulated. It is like telling someone mid-sneeze, “Just stop sneezing.”
What actually helps is learning to work with your body, to discharge the stress that has built up instead of trying to push it down. This isn’t about perfect parenting. It is about having realistic, body-based tools to bring yourself back to center.
Three Practices That Help in the Moment
Sigh Loudly. Not a polite sigh, but a big, audible exhale with sound. Think of it as a Lion’s Breath Sigh. It sends your body the message that the danger has passed.
Shake or Jump. Literally shake the stress out of your body. Even 30 seconds of shaking your arms or bouncing in place can reset your system.
Name the Feeling. Saying “I feel furious” or “I feel overwhelmed” out loud reduces the intensity. When you name it, you tame it. The charge softens the moment you speak it.
These aren’t about suppressing rage. They are about giving it a safe outlet so it doesn’t spill over onto your kids.
After the Blow-Up
Here’s another piece we don’t talk about enough: repair. If you do lose it, and you will because you’re human, the most powerful step is to circle back. Get on your child’s level, make eye contact, and own it: “I was upset and yelled. That wasn’t okay. You didn’t cause my anger, and I love you.”
Repair teaches your kids something crucial: that emotions are safe to feel, and that love is steady even when big feelings arise.
Reframing Mom Rage
Instead of treating mom rage as a shameful secret, what if we saw it as a messenger? A signal from your body asking for release, safety, or support.
When you use it as a cue to regulate, to pause, or to ask for help, you shift the story. You move from “I’m failing” to “I’m listening to what my body is telling me.”
Parenting in San Francisco, or anywhere in today’s world, will always bring challenges. But when you understand what is happening beneath the surface, you gain choice. You model resilience for your children. And you show them that even in moments of rupture, connection and love can be restored.
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Anat Peri is an Emotional Health Educator, Inner Child Expert, and Founder of Training Camp for the Soul™. With over 20 years of experience, she helps people heal their emotional patterns, regulate their nervous systems, and reconnect to their true selves. You can also follow Anat on social media. She’s @anat.peri (Instagram),@anat.peri.58 (Facebook), and anat-peri (LinkedIn).
