The first time you hear your child use a curse word goes one of two ways. You’re either shocked and horrified to hear such vulgar words coming out your sweet angel’s mouth, or you’re stifling laughter so hard that you almost burst a blood vessel. Either way, it’s a memorable moment and usually makes for a good story.
What happens after that, though? How do we make sure this doesn’t become a habit, and if it already is, how do we break it? A lot depends on your child’s age and their motivation for using those words.
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The Situation:
Your five-year-old casually drops the F-bomb in the middle of a conversation. “I am so excited to see the Fresh Beat Band, I’m going to go ‘effing’ crazy!”
The Solution:
Put on your poker face and keep calm. Your child said this for one of two reasons: (1) to get a reaction out of you, or (2) to experiment with language; they may not even realize this is a no-no word. For the first situation, ignoring the comment is the best course of action. If you don’t play into what he wants, he’ll eventually stop doing it. For the second situation, repeat the statement back without the bad word in it. Subtly omitting it should make the point that this is an adult-only word without drawing more attention to it.
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The Situation:
You laughed the first time your four-year-old cursed or she overheard you tell the family about it. Now, she won’t stop doing it. You tried ignoring her to make it go away, but she wised up and now only curses in public, where you’re apt to address it.
The Solution:
Your child is a smart cookie and figured out an easy and effective way to get attention. Try flipping the game on its head by acknowledging the times she doesn’t use adult words in public – sticker charts, verbal affirmations, high fives, whatever works. If it’s attention she wants, then give it to her for the right reasons.
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The Situation:
You’re driving in the car with your toddler in the backseat. You yell out an S-bomb when someone cuts you off, and you promptly hear the word repeated with gusto from your little parrot in the backseat.
The Solution:
Your child is innocently mimicking you, so take it in stride. If she only says it once, ignore it. If she keeps yelling it, consider covertly getting it on video to laugh at later (I mean, it is kind of hilarious). Then, calmly redirect her, so she stops cursing like a trucker and focuses on more age-appropriate endeavors.
If that still doesn’t work, “correct” her. “Are you saying ‘ship?’ Where do you see a ship, sweetheart?” The key in all of this is to not cue them into the fact that you don’t want them to say what they’re saying. That’s an open invitation for a battle of the wills and you know it’s going to end with a loud exclamation in the middle of church on Sunday.
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The Situation:
Your twelve-year-old son gets angry and calls his sister the B-word.
The Solution:
Oh, no he didn’t! Take a deep breath and nip this in the bud. Your tween has learned that these kinds of words have the power to hurt other people, and he’s testing out how to use them to express strong emotions. Peer influence is stronger than your parental influence at this age, but that doesn’t mean this should slide. Remind your tween that this is a disrespectful word and that the way we speak to other people reflects our character and the type of respect we will get back.
If it’s your daughter who called her sister a b**ch, then you’ve got to add on a whole spiel about how women have to support each other. Have the assembly clip from Mean Girls cued. Tina Fey’s done the work for you.
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Of course, at the root of this is how the adults in our kids’ lives talk when our children are in earshot. How we speak to our kids matters, even when they want to listen to their friends more than us. Still, we’re all human and slip ups happen. Share other ways you’ve curbed your kids’ bad language in the comments and tell us your favorite “I can’t believe he just said that!” moments!
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