A man can go about his business in sweatpants and scuffed sneakers without anyone batting an eyelid. But women routinely get called lazy, scruffy, or unfeminine for doing the same. ‘She’s letting herself go!’ ‘She could have made an effort!’ ‘Where’s her self-respect?’ etc. However, applying a full face of makeup, painstakingly curling or straightening one’s hair, squeezing into a pristine outfit, and so on takes a lot of time and effort that many of us simply can’t afford in this increasingly busy world. Not to mention the fact that stylish clothes are more often than not very uncomfortable! So, why is it still so frowned upon to be casual and unadorned? Why is comfort so controversial for women?
Being ‘put together’ requires sacrifice
When people say that a woman looks ‘put together’, they usually mean that she has spent valuable time and money making herself ready to be seen. For example, she may have applied make-up, styled her hair or chosen clothes that meet a particular standard of femininity. But that’s not all that ‘put together’ implies. That time and effort involves a degree of sacrifice – and it’s that sacrifice that is key to the discomfort some people feel when women dare to be comfortable. For example, if a woman has a small sweatpants collection rather than a shoe rack full of sharp, expensive heels, it means that she’s pretty free and easy with what she wears. She hasn’t sacrificed more than a man would in assembling her ‘looks’-not in terms of money, time, or comfort – and that is, for some reason, troubling to some
Women can, of course, enjoy having stylish clothes and doing their hair and makeup. Plenty do. The problem isn’t with being ‘put together’ in and of itself – it’s with the obligation. Go to the office without the make-up you usually wear, and a colleague may ask whether you are ill or tired. Swap heels for trainers and somebody may decide that you have ‘stopped making an effort’. Generally, people will – perhaps even subconsciously – make subtle judgments on the amount of effort and sacrifice that has gone into your appearance. Many of them will then equate that effort to your overall worthiness.
Men get a much wider casual wardrobe
Men have spent decades wearing hoodies, trainers and loose trousers in public without having to defend the principle of comfort. Nobody ever tells men that they have ‘lost control of their life’ because they’re wearing sweatpants. Men can wear pretty much anything up to (and sometimes including) just underpants in the street, and nobody cares. But women are held to a much higher, more restrictive standard.
And, of course, it’s a double standard. Wear loose clothes, and somebody calls you lazy or frumpy. Wear a tight dress, and somebody calls you attention-seeking. Spend money on fashion, and you are vain. Ignore fashion and you have ‘let yourself go’. Women simply cannot dress their way out of criticism.
We still treat discomfort as part of dressing up
Women have worn clothes that restrict movement for centuries. Corsets compressed the torso, narrow skirts shortened the stride, high heels put the foot at an inefficient angle and often make walking painful in a multitude of ways.
Women have also enjoyed wearing all of these. That distinction is crucial. Nobody needs to rescue a woman from a pair of stilettos she chose because she loves them – but she also does not owe anyone stilettos when she would rather wear flat shoes.
The problem is that people still use discomfort as shorthand for effort, effort as shorthand for sacrifice, and sacrifice as something that women owe to the world. Women talk quite happily about suffering in heels for a party or squeezing into shapewear for a formal event as though pain and restriction are just a natural part of looking acceptable.
‘Professional’ often means something different for women
Employers have legitimate reasons to regulate clothing in some jobs. Builders and medical staff need protective equipment, for example. However, things get murkier when the clothing you wear won’t necessarily affect your safety, professionalism, or performance at work.
But women’s performance is, nonetheless, often tied to appearance – even in companies that supposedly don’t have dress codes for work. Let’s consider two employees at the same desk. The man wears loose trousers, a shirt and flat leather shoes. His female colleague can wear the female equivalents and still find herself considering whether she needs more make-up, styled hair, or a more fitted outfit to look sufficiently ‘professional’.
Now take two female colleagues. One wears stylish pumps, a sharp blazer, a crisp skirt, a pristine hairdo and impeccable makeup every day. The other has a casual ponytail, a neat sweater, comfortable trousers, and trainers. Both do the same amount of work, both perform to the same standard, and both work the same hours each day. Undoubtedly, however, the more made-up worker will be favored over the other because she ‘puts in more effort’. Even though she doesn’t actually put any more effort at all into her job.
Comfortable clothes do not require a defense
It is not unreasonable to want to be comfortable, to be able to move unrestricted and to end the day without pinch marks in your skin and blisters on your feet. These are perfectly ordinary things to want from clothes. So why on earth must something as basic as being comfortable by wearing casual clothes still incur such judgment?
A woman can spend hours putting together a perfectly curated outfit. She can also simply pull on the first clean clothes she finds. Neither decision tells a stranger anything at all about whether she respects herself or takes her responsibilities seriously.
People can dislike what other people wear. Nobody has to admire every pair of leggings or oversized joggers. But ‘I dislike her outfit’ is an opinion about clothes. ‘She has let herself go’ is a judgment about a woman’s character. And it’s time that kind of judgment ended.
